i recently had a birthday -- o.k., it was about a month ago, but that's still recent, right? at least, it's recent enough to be considered recent...in my opinion...anyway... ;-)

as i was saying, i recently had a birthday, and it was a pretty big one. and as the time continues to fly and roll and push its way forward into Age, i get more and more anxious about figuring out what the fuck i wanna be when i grow up.

o.k., truth? what i really wanna be is a singer. all i wanna do is get on stage, either solo or with a group, and sing the shit out of music that gives me butterflies and laugh in unfettered glee. i wanna go from chorus-pedal heavy guitar-driven music to intimate a cappella with complicated and intricate harmonies and vowel placements.

that's what i want.

but i fear -- all the time! -- that i've waited too long to realistically pursue this path. hm.

maybe "fear" is the problem, in the end. i had a teacher once who said that there's enough room in this world for all artists, that we are not in competition with each other, only with ourselves and our willingness to be who we are (i.e. artists). maybe my problem isn't that i'm too old to be a singer and writer; maybe it's that i'm too chicken-shit to discard all of the accepted reasons to NOT be a singer and writer!

huh.

o.k., let's see what happens if i try it from this new point of view...

Re-Friend has a date tonight. looks like i'm off the hook! yay!

i've somehow managed to get into a familiar cycle with Re-Friend. this is exactly what i was afraid of. there's way too much chemistry for us to hang out together so much. time to back down.