I've been freaking out lately. My friend is having a birthday party in three weeks, and Ex-Friend (EF) is going to be there. I don't care so much about seeing EF; it's mostly that I wish I were looking better, that I hadn't gained so much weight over the last two years, and that I wish I had a hot boyfriend to drag along to this party as a sort of status symbol -- y'know, so that all of the people that used to comprise my Circle of Friends but that essentially dropped me when EF and I ceased communication will know that I don't need them ANYWAY!

*sigh*

I wish I were more grown-up, or at the very least more mature. Turns out I'm neither.

I also wish I didn't have to go to this party, but it's kind of required, from a personal ethics kind of place. Y'see, my friend who's throwing the party recently almost died while in the hospital, and she's got this renewed sense of living and celebrating life. How could I possibly turn away from her? Being an insecure idiot is not a good enough reason.